New tattoo??

*August 19, 2010*
I'm feeling a bit numb today. I'm not entirely sure why. I'm a little worried and scared too. I got called in for a bone scan on the 30th in Regina. Not sure why that affects me so much. It's just an xray with dye in me. I'm worried about the dye. I've never had that done before. I hope Owen will come with me. I think hearing about this test is making me feel a bit numb as it was unexpected news.
Last night I was watching LA Ink. A guy came in to get a tattoo for a baby that was lost. Coincidentally, the tattoo artist had also been through the same thing in his own life. Hearing them - GUYS - tell of their experience, sharing their pain, and how hard it was for them, gives me some odd reassurance. I was thinking, not just during the show but a bit before it as well, I could maybe do a tattoo for our baby. Maybe some footprints or a butterfly or dragonfly? Not sure yet. Its a thought process.
I'm just tired of feeling empty. I need to be happy for Janessa but I feel so sad. I told my Mom the other night that I was jealous FOR Janessa. She said why. I said it was because her sibling got to meet their Great Grandma's first. *sigh* That may sound weird to some, but it's my reality these days. I don't think I cried today.. yet.