What a New Year this is turning out to be....

Well, I've managed to screw things up yet again. I really wish I could control my anger and things like this wouldn't keep happening. I need to go to sleep and not wake up for like a week so that I get all the sleep that I seem to not be getting.. thus making me super irritable and not likeable, and just plain ol grumpy. So here I sit about to ring in the new year... grumpy.. eyes cried out.. and alone. All I wanted to do was hang out with my husband, play a little Wii.. eat some food and cozy up in bed after midnight. Well, no Wii was played.. no food was eaten.. and hubby's in bed... not me. It's officially after midnight now and I'm just sitting here crying. My 'happy' new year does not seem so happy after all. I am really,really desperately hoping that 2010 will bring with it much more happiness than I've been feeling lately. If not, it's going to be one looonnnggg year - and one that won't be so happy....

Feelin sludgy..

I am trying so hard to get out of my sludge.. it's Christmas. I am finding it hard this year to get all wrapped up in 'my Christmas'. I have my tree up, decorations up, cookies baked and packaged for friends, gifts ready to give, but I am just .. not feelin it. I feel like I'm just going through the motions. I'm trying to dig deeper into various things right now, and one of them being the real reason for Christmas. I just... am finding it hard right now to find happiness or joy in anything. I need to get rid of the sludge that I feel like. You know the scum you see floating on a pond? See it? Right there. Got it? It's me.

Dummy of the Day Award goes to me...

Sometimes I can be such a freakin idiot. Today is definitely that day. I hate it when I do something that is so utterly stupid and ends up making me look like the biggest idiot on the planet. I'm definitely in that moment. At this moment, I can't even find joy and I'm looking HARD for it. I feel like just crawling into bed and shutting out everyone and everything around me and on this entire planet. On the plus side, when I'm this angry, my house gets clean pretty fast... joyful... nope.. hopeful.. nope.. incredibly sad.. yep... crying uncontrollably alongside sadness... check.